The Stubborn Mind — Dr Kyrillos Bahgat

At some point in your life, you have probably met someone and thought during the discussion, “This person cannot possibly be serious. He is arguing simply for the sake of arguing. He cannot genuinely believe that he is right.” Quietly, you may have said to yourself, “What a stubborn mind!”

“A stubborn mind” is an expression we use to describe the bluntness and rigidity of another person’s thinking, especially when that person insists that a particular opinion must be right—full stop. It is as though the only goal is to emerge as the one who is right, by any means: raising one’s voice, insulting the other person, distorting the facts, or saying anything at all, whether or not it has any connection to the subject. The important thing is to be declared right in the end.

The surprise is that science offers an explanation for this “stubborn mind”—and presents the whole matter in terms of hormones.

When a Discussion Feels Like War

The process begins as soon as a person enters any discussion or dialogue. Human beings do not all share a single opinion, so disagreement commonly arises and the person’s position is challenged through logic or evidence. Here the problem begins. When someone starts to feel that they are losing ground in the discussion and cannot answer, the body begins releasing cortisol, the hormone associated with stress.

The body pushes itself to the limit, remaining continuously alert and tense in order to win the exchange at any cost—as though it were a war rather than a discussion, and as though victory in the conversation were a matter of life and death. Eventually, the person can no longer tolerate the pressure and tension, loses composure, and reacts emotionally.

But why does someone treat a simple conversation as though it were life or death? Why does the stubborn mind exist in the first place? Unfortunately, for some people, the matter has become an addiction.

The Reward of Being Right

From childhood, people are often raised to believe that they must be the one who is right. The body translates this victory into hormones as well. When a person wins an argument or discussion, the body releases dopamine, producing a feeling of pleasure and enjoyment—as though this were the winner’s prize.

The person then remains thirsty for that reward, like an addict who wants the hormone by any means. The lifestyle surrounding us encourages this pattern: the model of the sole victor. A child grows up believing that there is one correct position that everyone must follow and respect, and therefore wants to become the person who possesses that position—so that others will follow and respect him.

From Victory to Empathy

Psychologists and psychiatrists see the solution to this problem in hormonal terms as well: replacing the pleasure and gratification associated with dopamine with the empathy and connection associated with another hormone, oxytocin. This hormone is released as a person develops positive feelings toward others and experiences humility and safety in their presence. Oxytocin, incidentally, is associated with attraction and love.

In other words, a person is not expected to begin every conversation as though entering a war that must be won to preserve personal dignity. Instead, begin conversations in order to hear a different opinion and encounter other points of view. Enter them to benefit others and to learn from them. Enter them to discuss and to grow.

If someone imagines that a conversation exists only to impose an opinion, attack others, and condemn every alternative view, it would be more honourable—and better—not to enter discussions with other human beings. Such a person needs chairs and tables to talk to, not people with minds and ideas who are ready to answer.